Episode 289

How To Coach Yourself Through The Chronic Stresses Of Everyday Life

When was the last time you were in chronic stress (that’s stress lasting over a long period of time)?

You might be in the midst of some chronic stress right now! Work, kids, relationships, and just the responsibilities of daily life put mild stress on your body that persists over a long period of time. When you don’t know how to deal with chronic stress, it always turns into acute stress.

There are 2 ways to relate to chronic stress: you can be PRESENT or you can be ABSENT.

In today’s episode I’m teaching you how to coach yourself through the chronic stress of life, and I’m sharing with you a very recent example of how I overcame some incredible chronic stress using the very tips from this episode. 

If you need some help with dealing with the chronic stress in your life, I can help. Get in touch with me to learn how I can teach you the mindsets, practices and tools that can literally allow you to coach yourself through the ups and downs of life. Email me at matthew@matthewbivens.com.

Full Show Notes

WELCOME

Swapping around the order today because my Magic is going to flow right into the episode.

FOR YOU!

I’m talking today about STRESS and it can be a beast to overcome. Stress is one of those things that all of us experience, but very few can say they’ve mastered it — I’ve mastered stress. That doesn’t mean I don’t ever get stressed, but what it means is that I’m able to recognize it, address it, overcome it, and find my peace, flow, presence and power in the midst of it VERY VERY EFFECTIVELY. I’ve spent close to 10 years being very intentional on putting myself in stressful situations again and again (stepping into fear and discomfort habitually) and working on dealing with both the chronic and acute stress that life throws at us. So if you need some help with dealing with the chronic stress in your life, I can help you. Get in touch with me to learn how I can teach you the mindsets, practices and tools that can literally allow you to coach yourself through ANYTHING life presents you, the ups and downs and all of it. You will be able to get through it, and not just survive but THRIVE. Email me at matthew@matthewbivens.com.

MAGIC
This episode is inspired by my magic, so what I’m going to share now will flow right into our conversation.

EPISODE

First thing first: you are wise (more so than you think), and 9/10 you know EXACTLY what you need in order to persevere through any situation.

Part of living an Abundant Loving Life is doing the things you know are effective for you, using your tools, surrendering when you know you should let go, and digging in deep when you’re feeling uncomfortable.

Basically, pretend you are coaching a clone of yourself going through the exact same stress you are going through — what coaching would you give them?

Okay, now apply that to yourself.

Everything is fixed, right?!

Not exactly, because one of the things that chronic stress does is that it pulls us out of our power, away from our wisdom, away from all the coaching knowledge we have.

It’s because chronic stress = stress over time.

The things you deal with day in and day in, the things you wake up to each and every day, your responsibilities, the things that put mild stress on your body over a long time.

Your body interprets responsibility as stress, and when the stress is too high it will turn that chronic stress into acute stress.

When you don’t know how to deal with chronic stress, it always becomes acute.

2 ways to relate: being PRESENT or being ABSENT.

Present means that you’re in the now. You’re looking at what’s directly in front of you, you’re aware of your current experience and you’re being with it.

Absent means you’re too far in the future or too far in the past, trying to run away from the stress right in front of you.

Being able to navigate the stress is the difference between being cool, calm and collected VS scattered, worried, fearful.

Your wisdom and your ability to coach yourself happens when you’re PRESENT.

So, how do you stay present and powerful during chronic stress?

Glad you asked!

How to coach yourself through chronic stress:

1) Recognize the ways that chronic stress shows up in your body

– Know the sign that it’s coming on OR the sign that it’s already here

For me: my limbs started to feel like they weren’t getting enough O2, fuzzy feeling in my mind

2) Understand that your power ALWAYS lies in the present moment 

– Not in the future or the past. Future = worry, anxiety, fear; Past = regret, remorse, guilt, shame
– Chronic stress is by definition long lasting, so playing the game of just waiting for it to end will most likely result in you losing that battle
– See it as a major growth opportunity for you — if you can handle this stress in front of you right now, that’s another win in your back pocket which empowers you and builds confidence for the next bit of chronic stress

For me: pulling myself back into the present moment, even though the present moment was painful. I knew that if I was thinking of minute 30 when I was in minute 18, I was done for. My only shot was to get super present and coach myself through this.

3) Understand that how you choose to respond to that stress will either enhance it or minimize it

– You have power here!
– You can influence how you FEEL by focusing your THINKING

For me: I knew that the conversation in my head was either going to have me focused on one breath at a time (which would keep me going) or it was going to have me thinking about how much time I had left (in which case the fear would have overtaken me)

4) Catch the thoughts that are making the stress worse

– Applause-o-meter analogy

For me: I could feel my power slipping anytime I thought about how much time I had left, or calculating my speed and distance, or thinking about whether I’d max it out

5) Change your internal conversation

– Add more loving & affirming thoughts to tip the scales

For me: chanting over and over “I trust my body…….I’m getting all the air I need, and I’m sending it right where it needs to go…..one breath at a time…..I can go for 30 more seconds”

6) Go to other tools in your toolbox

– The first tool you turn to may not work, so grab another. If reminders and affirmations don’t work, turn to taking deep breaths. If that doesn’t work, remove yourself from the immediate situation if possible and collect yourself, if that doesn’t work……do the thing that does work for you!

For me: when reminders and affirmations didn’t work, I focused on making it for just 30 more seconds. When that didn’t look like it was going to work, I just focused on the next breath and tried to relax.

7) Spot the takeaways and learn the lessons

– Whether you channeled LOVE and were able to overcome the stress, or if the stress got the best of you this time, there are ALWAYS takeaways and lessons to be learned. What were they?
– Reflect on them, remember them so you are better equipped next time. Otherwise you’ll just repeat it all over again with probably the same result.

For me: literally high-fiving everyone in the room AND high-fiving myself when I was complete. As well as sharing this as a Magical Moment with my community.

Use these steps to keep yourself present, calm and clear in the midst of chronic stress.

I WANT TO HELP YOU PERSONALLY!
If you need some help with dealing with the chronic stress in your life, I can help you. Get in touch with me to learn how I can teach you the mindsets, practices and tools that can literally allow you to coach yourself through the ups and downs of life. Email me at matthew@matthewbivens.com.

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